I'm heading down to North Carolina today for a week with my family. It's the first time all of us have been together for a full week (by choice) in a long time. The house we've rented is one we rented when I was in high school - completely renovated so it has all modern conveniences - but will definitely invoke a trip down memory lane. Will have to log into work each day but hopefully that will be restricted to mornings so I can enjoy the days.
A week on the Outer Banks was the only vacation I knew as a kid -- through college. Once I moved to New York, the trips became few and far between. The last time down was in 2000. I really can't wait to get there. The hardest part? Not seeing Tilly for more than a week. But I'm sure she'll be fine as long as Crystal gives her extra treats.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Tell Me What You Said, Not What You Meant
I can't tell you how often I heard that from my dad growing up.
I'd like to say the same thing to False Prophet Pat Robertson.
Now Robertson says his comments were "misinterpreted" and taken "out of context." Not misquoted, inaccurate or insane.
Hmmmm.
"You know, I don’t know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think we really ought to go ahead and do it."
"It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. And I don’t think any oil shipments will stop. "
"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."
Apparently, Robertson says this didn't automatically mean assassinate. It could mean kidnap - or say, tickle, imprison, torture, taunt or paddle for that matter.
I'd like to say the same thing to False Prophet Pat Robertson.
Now Robertson says his comments were "misinterpreted" and taken "out of context." Not misquoted, inaccurate or insane.
Hmmmm.
"You know, I don’t know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think we really ought to go ahead and do it."
"It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. And I don’t think any oil shipments will stop. "
"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."
Apparently, Robertson says this didn't automatically mean assassinate. It could mean kidnap - or say, tickle, imprison, torture, taunt or paddle for that matter.
Cat News
You must watch Channel 102 - Cat News. My outrage? How can something so funny have come and gone so quickly?
Dowd's Private Idaho
And I'm not referring to the B-52s song - although it's strangely appropriate. Apparently, "social rights" of women aren't essential to democracy, so says a Bush II operative.
I can move beyond the Bush speak. I can even move beyond his vacation from his vacation. What I cannot tolerate is the obvious feeling that democracy is okay for men - but the women will have to wait.
According to Maureen Dowd's column today, a former C.I.A. Middle East specialist, Reuel Marc Gerecht, said U.S. democracy in 1900 didn't let women vote, so if Iraqi democracy resembled that, "we'd all be thrilled ... I mean, women's social rights are not critical to the evolution of democracy."
The rights of one half of a country's population don't count? And who determines what are "social rights" and what are basic rights? What madness this all is.
(Rhetorical quesion alert!) What would happen if the genders were reversed here - would the denial of "men's social rights" be considered immaterial to the "evolution of democracy." Talk amongst yourselves. I know the answer already.
I can move beyond the Bush speak. I can even move beyond his vacation from his vacation. What I cannot tolerate is the obvious feeling that democracy is okay for men - but the women will have to wait.
According to Maureen Dowd's column today, a former C.I.A. Middle East specialist, Reuel Marc Gerecht, said U.S. democracy in 1900 didn't let women vote, so if Iraqi democracy resembled that, "we'd all be thrilled ... I mean, women's social rights are not critical to the evolution of democracy."
The rights of one half of a country's population don't count? And who determines what are "social rights" and what are basic rights? What madness this all is.
(Rhetorical quesion alert!) What would happen if the genders were reversed here - would the denial of "men's social rights" be considered immaterial to the "evolution of democracy." Talk amongst yourselves. I know the answer already.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Hard Days
Today's one of them. I met Kevin 19 years ago today. Seems like yesterday. I think I recounted our meeting last year - check the archives if interested. Too tired to find the link.
I was able to move almost all of his clothes from our closet this weekend. I've been doing it in stages. I can't bring myself to open, let alone clear, his sock and underwear drawer. But more on that another time.
I found two pairs of shoes he wore all the time - his sneakers and his Rockports in the back corner of our closet. And two pairs of shoes I'm sure he had forgotten he had. I put all of them in a brown bag on Saturday but have been unable to throw them away. Something seems so wrong about throwing away anything of his - probably because he only kept those things he used or needed - or would have considered essential. We spent some time on the fact that I never throw anything away - and that drove him crazy. How I miss him.
And did you watch Six Feet Under last night? While not the emotional catharsis I thought it would be, it did have three highlights for me. One was during the pre-show when producer/creator Alan Ball said grief makes you crazy. And the second was when George was trying to comfort Ruth by saying time will help. She was right on when she that's bullshit. It gets worse with time. And I'm starting to think that all time does is put enough distance between you so that your mind and body are tricked into thinking you've moved on. Though you never really do. Someone, they tell me, it'll all be okay. Bullshit.
And the third was Claire driving to New York and seeing what life and death awaits each of the main characters. Just a reminder that we all have a road to follow. Sometimes its of our own choosing. Sometimes it's not. But we all come to the end of the road.
I was able to move almost all of his clothes from our closet this weekend. I've been doing it in stages. I can't bring myself to open, let alone clear, his sock and underwear drawer. But more on that another time.
I found two pairs of shoes he wore all the time - his sneakers and his Rockports in the back corner of our closet. And two pairs of shoes I'm sure he had forgotten he had. I put all of them in a brown bag on Saturday but have been unable to throw them away. Something seems so wrong about throwing away anything of his - probably because he only kept those things he used or needed - or would have considered essential. We spent some time on the fact that I never throw anything away - and that drove him crazy. How I miss him.
And did you watch Six Feet Under last night? While not the emotional catharsis I thought it would be, it did have three highlights for me. One was during the pre-show when producer/creator Alan Ball said grief makes you crazy. And the second was when George was trying to comfort Ruth by saying time will help. She was right on when she that's bullshit. It gets worse with time. And I'm starting to think that all time does is put enough distance between you so that your mind and body are tricked into thinking you've moved on. Though you never really do. Someone, they tell me, it'll all be okay. Bullshit.
And the third was Claire driving to New York and seeing what life and death awaits each of the main characters. Just a reminder that we all have a road to follow. Sometimes its of our own choosing. Sometimes it's not. But we all come to the end of the road.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Hurry Back Cindy
Cindy "Crawford" Sheehan has been a joy to watch these past two weeks. And I wish her mother a speedy recovery. Since she arrived in Texas, she has not wavered from her message -- despite the conservative and media harpies looking for her angle. Not to mention the fucking Texas whackjobs who hunt doves and mow down crosses (from such prestigious brethren does our CIC come from; but then again, Texas is known for its vigilante justice and cheerleader murdering mothers, so what's a little shotgun blast to worry about).
I've sympathized with Sheehan from the start and not just because we share the same views on the Iraq war. It's because it's so clear how raw her grief is -- and I can so understand a woman who would do ANYTHING to make sense of such a loss. The problem with Bush and his advisors is that they have treated her like a political opponent from day one. So naturally, she's become one. If they'd treated her as a bereaved person, this would have turned out quite differently. I hope her mother recovers quickly and she can return to lead the movement she so innocently elevated.
I've sympathized with Sheehan from the start and not just because we share the same views on the Iraq war. It's because it's so clear how raw her grief is -- and I can so understand a woman who would do ANYTHING to make sense of such a loss. The problem with Bush and his advisors is that they have treated her like a political opponent from day one. So naturally, she's become one. If they'd treated her as a bereaved person, this would have turned out quite differently. I hope her mother recovers quickly and she can return to lead the movement she so innocently elevated.
All Work, No Play
Working hard all week to keep the new site updated. Basically my job is to pay close attention to what's newsworthy -- and find the best online sources for such items. Needless to say, I love it.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Thanks Verne
Since Peter Jennings' death, I've been searching for some mention of Arnot Walker's name and the friendship they shared. The search is over thanks to Verne Gay and this Sunday's Buzz column.
Who Could Ask for Anything More?
As a journalist, I know I'm not supposed to take sides. But I can't resist taking a firm stand on this one. What better day could there be than Happy Cat Day? (thanks for the link JB)
Growing up, I'd always ask my dad, if there's a Mother's Day and Father's Day, why isn't there a Kid's Day? And he would always reply: "Every day is kid's day, El." Not that I think every day should be Happy Cat Day -- I believe truly happy cats are rare individuals. I think cat's are content, satisfied, even perhaps ecstatic on occasion. But the feeling is a brief one I think so a full day is definitely in order.
In the interest of full disclosure, I'm not a big fan of NSAL. They import abandoned animals at an astonishing rate -- there are plenty of animals in need of a good home on Long Island without have to bring strays - however "highly adoptable" - into the already crowded mix.
Growing up, I'd always ask my dad, if there's a Mother's Day and Father's Day, why isn't there a Kid's Day? And he would always reply: "Every day is kid's day, El." Not that I think every day should be Happy Cat Day -- I believe truly happy cats are rare individuals. I think cat's are content, satisfied, even perhaps ecstatic on occasion. But the feeling is a brief one I think so a full day is definitely in order.
In the interest of full disclosure, I'm not a big fan of NSAL. They import abandoned animals at an astonishing rate -- there are plenty of animals in need of a good home on Long Island without have to bring strays - however "highly adoptable" - into the already crowded mix.
Friday, August 12, 2005
If it Walks Like a Duck...
Why isn't anyone in the media using the words "civil war" to describe what's happening in Iraq today? I know death count is important but why isn't anyone (other than CSM) writing about the fact that Iraqis thirst for water and power.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Fist or Gun? It's a Tossup
On the train in this morning, I read this article in the New York Times about wife abuse in Africa. And I caught myself thinking things may not be good here, but thank gawd it's not this bad. Then I catch this little ditty about a husband who shoots his wife over dirty dishes in the sink. What I should have thought this morning was thank god Africaners aren't gun lovers like we are. Just when I think we've come a long way...
Too Stupid to be a Terrorist
Another contentest for my Moron of the Year contest. How exactly does one forget they have a "glorified firecracker" ... in their luggage? Basement, garage, bedroom maybe. Luggage? No way.
Happy Birthday, Clinko
from a crazy astrology site I found:
Birthday Horoscopes for 08/11
Now we are in the last full phase of Leo before we reach the cusp of Virgo which will happen in 7 days. Here we have the August 11th person, a driving force like superman seeking truth, justice and...... well you get the picture. The difference is the August 11th person has a dark side which they concentrate allot of their energies on.
A look ahead: You can know the truth without using it as a sword.
Famous Birthdays; Eric Carmen, Jerry Falwell (what's the chances on him reading this), Alex Haley, Hulk Hogan
And from the Washington Post:
TODAY'S BIRTHDAY (August 11). You explore your outrageous side this year! Impulsive moves are lucky for you because your intuition is completely charged. The next 10 months feature a financial high that can only continue if you prove to yourself that you are a good steward of your earnings. Fantasy comes to life in December. Love is charmed with Gemini or Libra. Your lucky numbers are: 10, 6, 3, 20 and 44.
Birthday Horoscopes for 08/11
Now we are in the last full phase of Leo before we reach the cusp of Virgo which will happen in 7 days. Here we have the August 11th person, a driving force like superman seeking truth, justice and...... well you get the picture. The difference is the August 11th person has a dark side which they concentrate allot of their energies on.
A look ahead: You can know the truth without using it as a sword.
Famous Birthdays; Eric Carmen, Jerry Falwell (what's the chances on him reading this), Alex Haley, Hulk Hogan
And from the Washington Post:
TODAY'S BIRTHDAY (August 11). You explore your outrageous side this year! Impulsive moves are lucky for you because your intuition is completely charged. The next 10 months feature a financial high that can only continue if you prove to yourself that you are a good steward of your earnings. Fantasy comes to life in December. Love is charmed with Gemini or Libra. Your lucky numbers are: 10, 6, 3, 20 and 44.
Depends on What You Mean by "Leave"
Don't be fooled by all the headlines talking about US troops pulling out of Iraq. As Bob Herbert's column in today's NY Times makes clear, the likelihood of that happening any time soon isn't high. And it's so disingenuous of the administration to manipulate the messaging so. Let's see how many people are fooled by it next week when Bush's popularity numbers are re-taken. Okay - call me cynical. I prefer skeptical.
Take A Break, Please
And I just have to say it. George II's obvious photo-op press conferences to convince people he's "working" while in Texas, are turning my stomach. My thought is: please, go on vacation. How much worse can things get?
NARAL Ad Damage Permanent - to NARAL
Not that there was going to be much of a fight anyway, but the folks at NARAL should have their collective heads examined. Or at the very least they need a lesson in politics 101. Its ad has just about insured a quick confirmation for Roberts to the Supreme Court.
The ad's premise is faulty logic at best but it's particulary damaging to any anti-Roberts effort because it so wreaks of desperation. (I'm not even talking about the facts it misrepresents. Don't get me started.) And all the anti-abortion whackjobs will exploit that to the hilt. Not to mention that they now can rightly claim righteous indignation. So NARAL committed a cardinal sin in my opinion. I normally support NARAL - to say Roberts could jeopardize Roe v. Wade makes sense; to connect him with clinic bombers is so far from reality they've sealed his confirmation. Nobody likes a bully - they shot too high on this one and we'll all have to pay the price.
The ad's premise is faulty logic at best but it's particulary damaging to any anti-Roberts effort because it so wreaks of desperation. (I'm not even talking about the facts it misrepresents. Don't get me started.) And all the anti-abortion whackjobs will exploit that to the hilt. Not to mention that they now can rightly claim righteous indignation. So NARAL committed a cardinal sin in my opinion. I normally support NARAL - to say Roberts could jeopardize Roe v. Wade makes sense; to connect him with clinic bombers is so far from reality they've sealed his confirmation. Nobody likes a bully - they shot too high on this one and we'll all have to pay the price.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
God Save Us From Ourselves
Reading a story like this one - - Mother missed signs of 'choking game' - honestly makes me glad I don't have children. Jesus, as if there isn't enough to worry about. It's such a terrible waste and I feel so sorry for her.
I can't stand that CNN states "She even misses the bickering." It's the use of the word "even" that bothers me - like that's a surprise or something. I can tell you - bickering is likely one of the biggest things she will miss if my experience is any indication.
I can't stand that CNN states "She even misses the bickering." It's the use of the word "even" that bothers me - like that's a surprise or something. I can tell you - bickering is likely one of the biggest things she will miss if my experience is any indication.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Drifting Away
I had to let go of Kevin's car yesterday. Believe me, the car itself was a wreck. Was when Kevin bought it three years ago. When he brought home this crappy blue 1992 Mercury Sable, he assured me it was just for a few months until he could figure out which new car to buy. A few months stretched into a few years. His attitude? It runs so why spend any more money than I need to. Typical.
Well, I had used it only sporadically up until I started working in the city again. Then it became the station car. On my way home Thursday night, the brakes gave out. It was a weird sensation but I was able to stop the car. Just took me longer and required a greater distance. When I got home (I live less than two miles from the train station) I thought maybe it was just my imagination. On Friday, I couldn't get the car to stop at the end of the driveway (I threw it into Park and that did it) so I knew I couldn't muck around with it. I made it to my mechanic's - luckily he's just around the corner - and he knows the car - he sold it to Kevin.
Lo and behold the brake's hydraulic system had rusted (or rotted) out - don't remember which. Either way, the car was undrivable and was gong to cost upwards of $400 to fix. At first I was ready to fix it then a little voice in my head said just let it go. So I did.
But I didn't realize until I came home from work tonight how comforting it had been to have Kevin's car still in the driveway. Or maybe I should say the illusion of comfort. I think a part of me must have thought as long as his car's in the driveway maybe there's a chance he'll be home - however ridiculous that must sound.
While I know it was the right decision, I feel so strongly that parts of Kevin keep drifting further away -- his car was a big part -- until I won't have any parts of him left. It's the little things that are the most devastating. I thought I'd emptied everything out of the trunk before winter. When I went to check before turning the car over, I found his golf shoes had been in the trunk this whole time. Shoes are the hardest article of clothing for me to look at - I'm not sure why that is. I guess I just keep thinking Kevin shouldn't be without his shoes - cause he never was. Shirtless, shortless, sockless, tieless I can picture him. Shoeless is just to hard to face.
Well, I had used it only sporadically up until I started working in the city again. Then it became the station car. On my way home Thursday night, the brakes gave out. It was a weird sensation but I was able to stop the car. Just took me longer and required a greater distance. When I got home (I live less than two miles from the train station) I thought maybe it was just my imagination. On Friday, I couldn't get the car to stop at the end of the driveway (I threw it into Park and that did it) so I knew I couldn't muck around with it. I made it to my mechanic's - luckily he's just around the corner - and he knows the car - he sold it to Kevin.
Lo and behold the brake's hydraulic system had rusted (or rotted) out - don't remember which. Either way, the car was undrivable and was gong to cost upwards of $400 to fix. At first I was ready to fix it then a little voice in my head said just let it go. So I did.
But I didn't realize until I came home from work tonight how comforting it had been to have Kevin's car still in the driveway. Or maybe I should say the illusion of comfort. I think a part of me must have thought as long as his car's in the driveway maybe there's a chance he'll be home - however ridiculous that must sound.
While I know it was the right decision, I feel so strongly that parts of Kevin keep drifting further away -- his car was a big part -- until I won't have any parts of him left. It's the little things that are the most devastating. I thought I'd emptied everything out of the trunk before winter. When I went to check before turning the car over, I found his golf shoes had been in the trunk this whole time. Shoes are the hardest article of clothing for me to look at - I'm not sure why that is. I guess I just keep thinking Kevin shouldn't be without his shoes - cause he never was. Shirtless, shortless, sockless, tieless I can picture him. Shoeless is just to hard to face.
The Power of Three
Maybe it's crazy Irish (or Russian) superstition but I believe strongly in the theory that things happen in threes. First Peter Jennings, then John Johnson and nowAbe Hirschfeld -- all content publishers in one way, shape or form.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Football Season Already?
There is something obscene about Monday Night Football and John Madden in early August. I don't care how much you love football. There is a time and place for everything.
And the Hits Just Keep on Coming
So weird how connected things are. Peter Jennings' death is very sad for me personally though I'd only met him once. It was at a memorial service for a good friend of mine, Arnot E. Walker. (That's him with me on my wedding day.) Arnot was Jenning's press secretary for many years. He died in 1998 from pneumonia. He was 44 - the same age as Kevin I keep reminding myself. I'll never forget how eloquent Jennings was on air the day Arnot died.
Watching all the Jennings coverage reminds me of how much I miss my friend. Our lives had gone separate ways a few years before he died but I will remember him always. I met Arnot when I went to work for the Mondale/Ferraro campaign. He was like a human hurricane who would sweep you up as he passed. He essentially handed me my first job in New York and made it so easy for me to move up here to be with Kevin. He had such class and was so kind. He'd often say to me: Leave it be where Jesus flung it, El. Wish that I could, my friend.
Goodbyes
It was a year ago yesterday that we buried Kevin. Somehow that finality was harder to face than the anniversary of his death. I've also realized too that the anticipation of the day is usually harder than the day itself. I find myself still shaking my head when I think of spending the rest of my life without him. It just doesn't seem possible and yet I've survived a year already.
I watched Six Feet Under last night - I keep going back and forth with myself over whether that was a good idea or not. The one thing I do know - there isn't a show on television that deals with death so authentically. It was both impossible to watch and impossible to turn away.
I watched Six Feet Under last night - I keep going back and forth with myself over whether that was a good idea or not. The one thing I do know - there isn't a show on television that deals with death so authentically. It was both impossible to watch and impossible to turn away.
Friday, August 05, 2005
Novak's Lost It
It's no secret that Bob Novak has temper and control issues so I guess his temper tantrum shouldn't surprise anyone. I just find it ironic that there were no consequences of his involvement in the Valerie Wilson affair but tantrums lead to suspensions at CNN. Note to self: government shill okay -- temper tantrums not okay.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Rethinking Miller
I knew there was more to the Judith Miller story than met the eye. But on the whole, she's not the victim I thought she was. I stand corrected.
Better Naive Than A Stooge
Found this posting on CraigsList NY, with the promise "we pay bloggers to write posts." Which turns out to be true.
Unfortunately, "Brian" doesn't get it. Anyone who would be willing to take money to shill for a "client" isn't publishing a blog worth reading. At least I pray that premise is correct. Or am I too naive?
Speaking of full disclosure, it is my deep desire to have someone pay me to publish outrage.com on a FT basis. In the meantime, I continue plugging away at my new job - which is exciting and exhausting at the same time.
Unfortunately, "Brian" doesn't get it. Anyone who would be willing to take money to shill for a "client" isn't publishing a blog worth reading. At least I pray that premise is correct. Or am I too naive?
Speaking of full disclosure, it is my deep desire to have someone pay me to publish outrage.com on a FT basis. In the meantime, I continue plugging away at my new job - which is exciting and exhausting at the same time.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Missing Kevin
Weird day. It was a year ago August 2 that Kevin died, But the hardest time for me was last night - I'll always think of his dying on a Monday at 5:57 p.m. Fell asleep with my clothes on - woke up at 2 a.m. But I got through it. So somehow that's making it easier to get through today. Fortunately, work was crazy yesterday (and today) so it forced me to focus and not wallow too much. I put a memorial notice in Newsday today. Doesn't seem to quite say it but it's as close as I can get.
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